SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
