The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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