dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
