There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
