she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
