I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
