I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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