If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize