dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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