ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
