I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
