i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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