Where is the hickey?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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