I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
