As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
