This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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