I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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