i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
