I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
