Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize