At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
