Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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