we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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