Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
