saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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