He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
