I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
