i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
