u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Operation Purity has been aborted
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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