On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
