there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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