Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he shaved USA in his pubs
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
