capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
