quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
