it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
