I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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