note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize