I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
