Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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