mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
