I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
