Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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