I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
