Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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