Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's always time for handjobs
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
