It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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