Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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