there was a trapeze. enough said
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
