I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
