Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
