There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
