Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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