I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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