I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
