woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
