So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
