id be glad to
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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