Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
