Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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