hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
