Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
