I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize