if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
only you would photoshop your dick
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
