why do cheetos always look like penises
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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