I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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