it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
