How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
