we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
